Lately (Popcorn Entry)

I like getting up early, haha if you've ever seen me in the morning you probably wouldn't think that. But I like after the waking up part and not wasting the day away, especially if there's sunshine, which is why i can never live in a basement again. 1 more month...less technically. But I'm going to miss it sort of. I need a big window. Maybe we're going to buy a house when we move. I hope we go to New Brunswick. It's far but I've never lived on the east coast, or that near an ocean. I can visit Sarah P, who won't be Sarah P anymore. She's moving to Hali to be a Navy wife, her fiance Adam said that he can't let Josh in his house because he's army. Ah the rivalry of the elements. We'll just meet at the ocean. She already sent out her wedding invites. Scares me that I have to do that soon. I need addresses. I don't want to admit that I won't see my friends very much after next week. I do not want to end university. I loved it. I mean not counting the papers and tests and stuff. What am I going to do. School is my thing. I want to work outside, but might die doing 'construction.' May not get that job anyways. I've never gotten a real job. Lifeguard you get hired by tryouts, if you paid enough money to do training you get a job. TA if you get good marks you get hired. Camp, if you finish CILT you get hired. I've never gotten a job by anything else. I'm scared. I try to be confident. I really just want to travel. Hostels are so cheap. But I need to make money. I'm sorta rich right now. For a just graduating student. But I don't want to spend it and then be a poor wife. I need to be in Elora anyways. I'm going to miss my hamilton independence. I know my parents won't treat me like a teenager. But that town is restricting. I love it. But I can't stay. My life is out in the world. Not sheltered. Anything but sheltered. I need something new. I know that's going to happen. I like knowing what's coming. I don't know. But I sort of have an idea I guess. A very vague one. This is what I wanted. Adventure. I guess I do get to travel in that sense. I just worry that I'm giving up my career. But if I stayed what would I make my career? I wouldn't. I would love Will's job, but he's not leaving and I'm not staying. So that's out. Something will come up. I just don't know what I like. No passion. I must have passion, I just don't know what for. You would think after 22 years I could figure that out. But no. I like working with kids. I don't want to teach. That doesn't narrow it down all that much. I also love languages. I love linguistics more. I don't like anatomy so SLP is out. SLP = Speech Language Pathology. But it's a good job. I don't like the good ones apparently. What good is it being smart. Other than helping all my friends do well. OK not all of them. But I helped a lot. They helped me too. I like cooperation in university. It reminds me of kindergarten. I wasn't good at kindergarten. I mean I was still smart. I learned to read before school. But I was too shy. I don't remember being shy then. I didn't realize that I was quiet. Why is quiet a bad thing. Sometimes I think it's a lack of interest in others. That's a bad thing. But I'm not sure. Maybe I just can't express myself properly. People still like me somewhat. So I can't be that terrible. But sometimes I think I am. I need to feel valuable to the real world and I don't. I'm valuable to the academic world, but I can't stay. Maybe I just need more life experience (apparently I haven't had enough yet) I'm kinda tired of life experience. I'm ready for a break. That is what April is for me. The End and then May - Sept is Interim, and then Sept-Nov around then is the Beginning. At least the End isn't a bang. I just have a couple exams, a couple shifts, and sushi. and other hamilton things I want to fit in. It's not like I'll never be back. But I might never have the chance to do these things again. I'm going to miss it. Maybe not my room. I mean it's done me well. But I'm looking forward to my big window in Elora. Maybe I'll get up early all summer.